By Michelle Rosenbaum
Life is stressful. As adults, we recognize that work, finances, health and other factors can increase stress levels. With age comes experience, and many adults have learned how to effectively address and overcome stress.
Children, though, aren’t equipped with wisdom learned through years of firsthand experience. Instead, they must learn to recognize stressors and develop coping techniques that work for them. Parents play a monumental role in their child’s ability to navigate pressures that can seem overwhelming at times. Stress is individualistic. What might be a tolerable stressor for one child might feel very intimidating to another child.
First, it’s important to understand the different types of stress:
- “Good stress” can be situational, something positive like going on vacation or starting a new sport, or maybe something that feels scary or intimating but motivates a child to enhance performance. An example might be learning a new math problem or meeting new people at an event.
- “Tolerable stress” can also feel intimidating, but if it’s something a child has handled effectively in the past, he or she can apply similar skills to succeed this time. That helps build self-confidence. Examples can include preparing for a final exam or presentation.
- “Bad stress” is a situation that feels threatening or severe and causes someone to freeze up or not know how to respond. Examples can include bullying, violence or the death of a loved one.
Spring is a very stressful period for children and teens. It’s when students take state-mandated tests and college-placement exams. It’s when many find out what school or college they’ll be attending in the fall. It’s when they say goodbye to their friends for a few months over summer break, or longer. It’s also right before the start of hurricane season, which for many Southwest Florida families brings up not-so-pleasant memories.
Other topics that can stress youth include a heavy academic load, divorce, financial insecurity, global issues like wars and politics, social challenges, peer pressure, relationships and transitioning to new schools.
The body’s natural response to stress is called the “fight or flight response” and results in physical changes, such as increased heart rate and faster breathing that allow the person to fight and attack the problem. In some instances, it is more adaptive to flee to avoid a threat or seek help, such as evacuating an area before an impending natural disaster.
For parents, it’s not always easy to tell whether their children are stressed. Symptoms of stress may include physical signs like an upset stomach, headache, fatigue or changes in breathing. Emotional signs may include anger, sadness, nervousness, pessimism and/or negative thoughts. Behavioral signs may be changes in sleep patterns, appetite loss or gain, crying, acting out and avoidance of certain activities including school or social events. More significant symptoms are suicidal ideation and use of drugs or alcohol.
Parents who spot any troubling signs should consult their child’s primary care physician to ask about a referral for a specialist and speak with a student’s teacher or counselor when it involves academic concerns. Kids’ Minds Matter also is a valuable resource for families in Southwest Florida.
Children may not readily admit it, but their parents are their primary role models. That means parents who effectively handle stress will model that behavior. Similarly, parents who have difficulty coping with stress may exhibit undesirable behavior, including mood swings, anger, violence, sleep deprivation and misuse of alcohol of drugs.
Parents play a significant role in helping their children manage stress. Below are stress management strategies that parents can model:
- Take care of your well-being by making stress management a priority.
- Create a calm environment at home because stress is contagious.
- Establish an open line of communication with children to discuss feelings.
- Encourage balance and routine, including regular sleep cycles and healthy meals.
- Limit exposure to social media and television, especially when the news is potentially disturbing.
- Create consistency with schedules, routines and discipline.
If parents sense that children are struggling with stress, they can encourage coping strategies like exercise, deep breathing, positivity and meditation. Activities like painting, drawing, coloring, playing music or crafts offer creative distractions beneficial to ease stress.
Children and adults who effectively manage their stress will perform better at work or school, experience positive social interactions and benefit from an overall improved sense of well-being.
About the Author
Michelle Rosenbaum, PhD, MSN, is a licensed psychologist specializing in pediatric behavioral health at Lee Health